At the concert…

My drink

DISCLAIMER: This entry is to purely entertain you. No venue or artist names shall be mentioned to protect the innocent and make sure I get allowed back in those venues.
I go to concerts as much as the rest of the world goes to movies. Over the past couple of years, I have seen some amazing performances and some equally funny antics in the audiences.
Flash Photography – You are at a concert. The mood is intimate and music is perfect and suddenly someone whips out their flash camera to take photos after the disclaimer of “no cameras” has been announced. It is like seeing a star fall from the sky. I watched someone come from the back of the room, walk up to the stage, and take a flash photo of the artist performing. Needless to say, they were followed back to their seat by an usher.
Sing-a-long – There is an uncontrollable urge to sing along with the artist onstage but we don’t spend $75 to hear you singing like you are an unofficial, unpaid backup singer.
First Date – You are with your special girl or guy and it is your first date. If you need to chatter throughout the concert maybe your first date should have been at a bowling alley instead of a jazz club.
Personal Rhythm Section – The band is playing and in your enthusiasm, you have decided keep rhythm along with them by drumming your chopsticks on the side of your plate. Why?
Jazz 101 – You were in the studio when the artist cut their very first record and you even know all the players on the record. Now does everyone else need to hear the music lesson you are giving your table mate during the concert?
Tardiness – You know you are about an hour late for the concert. I have been there. Please come in, take your correct seat quietly, and enjoy the rest of the concert with minimal disturbance or annoyance to everyone else around you.
Please Be Quiet – I was at a concert where the artist was playing solo acoustic guitar and singing. Why did the man in back of me feel the need to whistle along with the music? Another example. You are seated with your friends at a table right next to the stage. You are chattering loud enough that the piano player onstage says “Sshhhhhh!” Next the performer has to make a mild announcement basically saying the acoustics are really great so your additional feedback needs to be kept to a minimum so we can hear ourselves onstage. Yet, you still want to chatter. Perhaps you might want to join those folks on their first date at the bowling alley.
Be Mindful of the Artist – I have been guilty of this in the past but I am more conscious of it now. If the artist is gracious enough to sign autographs after show, please be mindful of their time. Don’t bring every album they ever made and every photo you possess to have signed. Others want to get their stuff signed too.
Oh me? I write about music. – Yeah, you have seen me. I am usually sitting alone with my cranberry juice in a pint glass and my journal writing notes during the concert. Sometimes people will ask if I am writing a review then they will want to know for which publication do I write? This gives me a chance to pub the site and give them my card. Just once I would like to answer, “I write to keep from hearing the voices in my head.” I once had a guy ask if I noticed the sound resonating at the back corner of the room? Am I am sound engineer? A few minutes later his girlfriend came over and asked who I wrote for? I told her I write for myself and went back to my writing. What was even funnier was they left before the concert ended. How rude!

5 Responses to “At the concert…”

  1. ronn says:

    Life lessons everyone needs to know and/or learn! I’m seriously pissed when some of the above happens at the movies. I would want to hurt someone at a concert in a small to medium venue.

  2. That whole “talking while the artists is performing” thing grates on me so bad I swear one day I will be dragged to jail for assault.
    And these types of people love to sit or stand up close to the stage, instead of taking their talkin’ a$$ to the back of the venue or better yet, the restroom to “catch up”.

  3. Bernie says:

    Each seat should have an ejector mechanism below it and if anyone commits the offenses you mentioned, they’d get fired off into space.
    Similar stuff has happened at the theatre.

  4. Gee says:

    You are so very wise and funny. That last one about the voices made me start my day with a smile and a laugh. Thanks!

  5. lisa says:

    Just once I would like to answer, “I write to keep from hearing the voices in my head.”
    This made me laugh out loud. Nice list- I agree with everything here! Hope you’re doing well.

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